haiya, its not that i duwan blog. but there is really nothing for me to blog during the holidays. u know how life-less i can get when its the holidays right.
but this time, its really different. there are so much so much downs during my holidays. everyday im just hoping that sch can start soon. i really have no time for myself. everyday is work work work. housework housework housework.
i cried. yes, i cried, even while working. i scald myself accidentally quite a few times, and i cried. its not bcos that the wound is pain, but its bcos im really v tired alrdy, and i really had enough of my mum's attitude towards me. she cant understand, i tried to help her whenever i can, i did my best, but the way she treats me when she is so pissed off is really treating me like rubbish.
even to think of it now, i really am gg emotional, i can feel myself crying soon. because that is really the worst moment of my life. i have been telling myself, i want to work hard when sch starts, i duwan to go back there anymore. its really hell.
although i earned quite a amount of money there, its really a torture for me. im really v upset why am i always stucked there, i feel so useless. im like a 20 years old alrdy, but im heading no where. that's why i told myself i want to study really hard when i go back to school.
with the money i earned, i bought myself a whole lot of expensive stuffs.
1. iPhone 32GB (with starhub $200 voucher)
2. wacom bamboo
3. 50mm portrait lens for my DSLR
4. feeding myself and my loved one with good food
5. went to universal
6. and of course save up the rest.
usually i wont bear to spend this amount just like this, but i got no idea, i just buy it. i want, i buy. i nvr consider about it. and Jetro always said, think for what, work so hard, its time to pamper myself. and this is all i got. most of it with the benefit for studies. yeah, i really wanna work hard!
its the final year of my studies i guess. i really have no plans on gg to a Uni, and i know my own standard, i know i can go no where. but i really hope i can do well in my portfolio and get myself a good job, take part time courses. i guess this is how my life goes, at least for now. i dont dare to think so far, although i have a dream, i dont dare to think. bcos there are so many things that are happening against my wish recently.
just like the previous post about karma. yeah, everything is just like gg against me. i tried my best to change to adapt to other things. but things are still just gg against me. i think im just plain unlucky. but i alrdy dont bother so much about it alrdy. my only aim now is to save up more for my future and study really hard. that's it. that's gonna be my life for now. dont bother to think so far, bcos when things screw up again, i will only end up crying.
and of course im not that depressed, i still have my wonderful boyfriend that always scold me and make me so upset at times but really very encouraging at most times. unknowingly, both of us have committed into this r/s for more than a year alrdy. i nvr expect it to be so long, but i want it to be counting on. :)
and my two wonderful brothers have really been showing me concern recently. although i really enjoy disturbing them most of the time, and make them so irritated with my nonsense, they have been really caring to me recently.
omg, i love them most.
and of course the people that have been supporting me quietly like my really wonderful friends. although holidays i really have no time to meet up with them, they have been really nice to cheer me up and i really miss them!
amd say hi to my mushroom head. i finally grew my hair over the shoulders. although i didnt really like the hairstyle, i managed to keep it from CNY till friday. i am really so upset and unhappy of myself. and i put the blame on Jetro and he have been saying sorry and sorry to me, and i really feel like a slut. i cnt take it anymore, i grabbed my wallet and went to the salon. its not that i wanted to blame him, i guess im so stressed up and i pushed all the blame on him. im so sorry. so to punish myself, i went to cut my hair. yeah, this short. actually i didnt want it so short. but yeah, im so depressed. so i cant be bothered with what the hairdresser do to my hair.
ytd i went to JP and walked pass the pet shop, and saw a few dogs having their grooming session. and it immediately reminded me of my sweet little nonsense dog. i went all teary eyed and quickly walk away. yeah, i really miss him. :'( and of course buddy too.. i really miss the both of them hoping around the house, sleeping on my lap and disturbing them.
whenever im on the street and i see a dog, i will always think of Nack. im wondering how is he now, i think his fur have grown long alrdy.. sighhh.. :(((
and a LITTLE bit of USS pictures we took. omg. i love you i love you i love you!!! i really appreciate all the care and concern that he have given me throughout my bad days. my really not awesome time to even be alive for the one second. without him scolding and nagging me and be really sweet after that, i really dunoe what will happen now.
thank you, my source of encouragement and happiness. :) i love you deep deep! thank you for being so sweet after u scold me, if not im really gg to turn emo and ignore you for days! hehehe! :))
