140 letters micro blogging

hi im back. i guess i will just be blogging for myself to read, bcos im very sure that i have neglected my blog for way too long period of time therefore all the readers are gone.

and bcos i have been tweeting so heavily the past few months therefore there isnt the need to blog i am micro blogging on twitter. i guess I'm slowly gg to leave my twitter, i will just use it to read my friends updates and once in a while pop up some tweets.

tweeting has allowed me to discover there are too many things that cant be shared online. bcos im tweeting about every single detail I'm always inviting quarrels and people judging, there i think its time to control myself alrdy.

nvm its ok, i shall just continue to blog and share things. i believe now my life is very boring bcos im currently working at mum's.

many things have happened this period of time. from happy events to chaos. everything happening one after another. but thats life i guess?

this period i'hv been through many things. not gg to share all bcos some are really confidential. but some happy ones to share!

1.
IM OFFICIALLY 21!
actually there's no big hoo-haa abt the day but is it considered quite a meaningful day bcos i have officially bcom an adult? i didnt have any celebration, although i really wanted to and though someone will plan it for me but nope, i was quite disappointed but i totally understand the point why i didnt get to celebrate.

but i still had my awesome 38s to celebrate my bday tgt w Xian and sweetest surprise i got from BF.
i have been dating jetro for 2+ years till the day im 21 and its the 1st time he prepared a surprise for me, with flowers, cakes and a bear. thank you so much!

2.
IM OFFICIALLY GRADUATED FROM RP SIT-DIDM'12
study was tupsy turvey. yeah all saying that RP is slack and etc etc, try doing FYP like a PS. try doing 3 assignments tgt when due date is one aft another. i know its the usuals of studying in poly, but being just an average student, i fear that i can't pass my modules of anth. i was afraid i couldnt graduate, but thank god, i did. so before im officially 21, i achieved smth fruitful. my life is not that wasted.

3.
I GOT MY DRIVING LICENSE!
i know its not something to flaunt bcos its such a norm, seems like every one is getting their license, and i only get it at the 2nd attempt.

i had 2 instructors, where i stopped at the 1st one for aft 8 lessons, which took me 2 months, bcos he didn't allow me to increase the intervals of learning and learning hours and not very willing to let me try new things. PLUS, very good at scolding. therefore for 2 months, i only had 8 lessons and didnt learn much, i decided to quit.

i found my 2nd instr online and had a very wonderful learning experience w him. although his lessons were much more expensive, but i learned v happily and picked up quite well.

i went for my 1st TP on 4/5/2012 but failed, total 38 demerit points. i thought i could pass it and get my license before im 21, and everybody was so confident w me esp my instr therefore i became over confident and yaya papaya in the car. i did stupid mistakes and too much confidence pulled me down.

2nd TP was on 23/07/12 and finally passed it with 10 demerit points. this time round i know what was wrong and etc, i was extra careful and finally passed it.
now time to time i drive mum to work or drive her home, but they are all still wary of my driving skills. -.-

4.
I GOT MY MACBOOK PRO (30/10/12)
i finally decided to get the macbook and actually typing the longest post now with it. i have wanted a macbook for the longest time, my craving, my need and my want, but bcos of the price i cnt afford to. so i was surviving w my acer laptop throughout the 3 years in RP and it finally decided to die on my 2 weeks ago.

i couldnt believe that my acer is spoiled bcos it really served me well and didnt give me much problems, but it suddenly hang and couldnt start again. i went to acer and was told that its useless to repair the system anymore so i decided its time to get the macbook alrdy and can use it 1st before i go for sch next year!

im really so new to this and still many things i have yet to explore. :/ soon, im gg to master this.

---

actually i have many things i want to share and really want to post some photos but im so lazy to find them bcos all the events i have blogged about are so long ago overdue.

but i will be hardworking to continue posting. till date, BYE! ^^

:(

finally, someone talked to me about my relationship with Jetro, my cousin that went to japan to work, for the pass 14 years, he only visited us once and today he called me, asking me about jetro.

im really wondering if he is a spy from my aunts or not, but i really almost cried out. i dunoe if he is being concerned or what, but i just hate to see another person just asking and then despise us.

how am i even supposed to convince everyone that i have no problems with my r/s and everything is gg to be fine.

fine if you all want to think that i am naive, but at least i know what i want and i know what i should do. we have our own plans but i just dont understand, why can't the adults understand me?

yeah i know they wanted the best for me, i know they will be worried but i really will take good care of myself..

what should i do?

you must be wondering why the hell am i doing here in the middle of the night yeah.

---

i really need a hug right now, and someone to tell me that everything is ok.

i just want to know, is all the things that i am planning now is just some wishful thinking of mine and it will never even happen?! and all my loved ones are just making use of me and never realise i have things i wanted too?

why is this kind of things always happening? and yeah im stupid enough that i dont even know how to tackle it.

im just planning a short getaway for this holiday for Jetro's birthday so he can come and stay and i can celebrate his bday tgt with him and spend some time tgt since its so long i have ever seen him, but this plans are just what im thinking about. so naive? bcos nbdy want to make it happen for me.

initially i wanted to visit him during my holidays instead, and i have finally plucked up my courage to ask mum and she rejected me right away. yeah i know she will be very worried about me and everything, but can she feel, how my heart feels, why is the reason am i even requesting this?

its not im like blaming my mum, im just speechless for things that have become like this, to this kind of extend im going bonkers soon.

and even now, what i have planned isnt even confirm and i dont even have the courage to ask my mum. i seriously have no fucking idea why am i so afraid to speak up my mind, and then coming to regret everything.

yeah so now she is assuming that i will help her in the stall from the beginning of my holidays all the way to the day before sch reopens. fuck yeah. if no one wants to accompany, i shall make myself tired every single day, and bury myself in all the miseries and then be miserable myself.

for now im starting to suspect, am i being too naive myself, thinking that everything is so simple? and at the end, im the one at the losing end, and i believe im the one that caused all these to happen, ALWAYS.

Hi. yeap hi. :)

its been really super long!! good job. i have totally neglected my blog. all i know is that i have been busy with FYP and 2D assignment. when i have submitted everything, im stucked at home today, not knowing what to do.

ok i swear it feels so weird without have to chiong anything. i just sit at home whole day, helped with a little housework, watch shows. thats it, saturday have ended. (Y) AWESOMEEEE, but bored, and lonely :S

and now, one more lesson and sem1 is gg to end alrdy. time flies! we are busy with class work, den FYP, den assignment. oh wow, im sure DIDM students are really mentally strong huh. i guess without my cliques i would have wanted to give up alrdy? i also dunoe.

every single day, busy busy busy, but seriously, i never know what i am busy with and why am i even doing all these, its like no meaning to life.

i always thought i could enjoy this process, but hell no. it was a struggle. grades not improving and no improvement in FYP and assignment. sighhhhhhh...

i know the day when i have graduated, i will still want to continue my studies. maybe i cant, maybe i can. maybe i might i just go to the working industry perhaps? im also unsure. i know clearly, i still want to study, its much easier life compared to work, but i think i just dont have talent to study. how much effort i put in my work and everything, I AM STILL AN AVERAGE STUDENT. get it? and this really disappoint myself very much..

i told myself, in my previous posts, that i want to improve myself, i want to diet, improve on my grades, i want to save money, but ha, after 1 sem have passed, i achieved none. yeah go ahead and laugh at me. as loud as you want and criticise me. i think i just dont have the sense of shame and sense of emergency thats why nth have changed, i am not improving at all, and for that,

I HATE MYSELF.

i should say that this sem isnt as pleasant. i have no idea why too, but its just hell days passing by so quickly, torturing me every single day.

everything have its own problems,

FYP, assignment, myself, my family, and my r/s.

i heard that there are 3 stages to every relationship.

the 1st stage is like so sweet and aww, making people jealous of both, and they are like living in their own world, everyday, they must see each other, call each other, every single minute must know what they are doing, its just what the norms call it the Honeymoon period.

and to the 2nd stage when both starts to be busy with their own stuffs, and wanting to improve themselves, and then starts neglecting the other half. and this is the time when quarrels come and all the ignoring, getting angry with every little thing that gets into the way, and all the nonsense that both really hate. and worst of the worst, break ups. both believe that they can do without each other.

BUT, if both can bypass this period of their relationship, of course they can go to the 3rd stage,

where both live happily ever after. cos all kinds of bullshits in a r/s, and the most difficult time of their relationship, both of them have worked it out tgt. then they start giving each other time and more freedom in what they wanted to do, enjoying each other's presence and also enjoying the freedom they gave to each other..

i have always believed in this, because thinking from my own point of view, i can totally relate it, not bcos we are quarreling, but really, anyone who is reading this, spend some time to think about it, then you will know that you will need to appreciate each other and to be concerned more than to be angry with each other.

i guess both of us are just stepping and moving on to the 2nd stage or maybe in the midst of the 2nd stage, im also unsure myself, there is almost some betrayal happening and some break ups gg to happen. but i should say, lucky jetro was cool enough to listen to my problems and i did to his too, and then work it out tgt. really, there is nth such as impossible. everything happens, no matter how much trust you have put in the r/s, smth will happen, but as long as you are willing to work it out, its not a problem.

and im lucky he wanted to listen to me, and salvaging the r/s tgt. if not i guess we have alrdy broken up and thats it. yeah, anth burden to myself. then its when love turns to hatred.

but i really appreciate what he have done for me. what we have now is only photos and phone calls and whatsapp to communicate with each other. but i have never regret in my long-distance r/s and i can say im proud of it.

i dont care what others see him as and look down on him, bcos im very sure i love who he is, and the way he is. as long as he is still putting in the effort, i will never stop too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i love you all of my friends that have made my life so much better, no matter in sch or outside, and also my most sweetly annoying BF, my more irritably cute brothers and my parents. i love all of you!

bahhhh... i feel like talking very slowly now. so if u duwan to listen to it, dont talk to me.

omg im like a dead corpse now, im awake, but my brain is empty. pfft. i want to motivation and in need of some creative juice now. where to buy?

---

during the holidays, i kept gg back to sch wanting to finish my assignment. but i did not complete my assignment, only halfway and now other work is piling up alrdy. this is not a joke i feel so stressed up. i want this semester to end, i want to watch alot of movies and have fun everyday!

i also went to donate blood. omg i have no idea where did i pluck up the courage from but i tell you when i was there, im like a ball-less dick. my palms were sweating all the way from checkup until the thing tube was removed. im so scared so scared so scared. almost on the verge of crying.

but overall, lucky still not pain. and i feel really great aft that! the only thing i am proud of recently.

... ... ...

ahhh... :(

sad life i have. grrrr... sitting here wanting to finish my work but cnt concentrate. not only that, when have the work load ever stopped? haiya. TSKKK!!!!

ytd we went for our FYP evaluation and omg the evaluators gave us quite negative comments. T_T for a moment im like so de-motivated and feel like giving up. there are still so many many things to do.

this sem is extremely busy, i guess its because of FYP, 2D assignment and also the rush on PD. suckers! this due dates all all round the corner.

i always told myself i want to do well, den the determination and motivation goes down the slope.

omg i need to find myself a new motivation. other things, i can dont bother to think about it cos i dont even know if it will happen or not. *angry inside* :(

ytd val have been telling me no wonder i cnt finish my work, and i think abt it, yeah.. makes sense.

they make me realise that i am not that kind of person that can sit down and do my work. even if so, i can last for long i will fidget around, make noise sing song. den ltr tired, duwan to do alrdy. no wonder i always cnt finish my work, even simple things also take very long.

omg this is a very bad habit i have to kick away!!!! ok bye i want to go do my work alrdy.

some one from above please protect me all the way!

recent night photoshoot with GW. omg look at the bad quality. thanks to my tripod! if i have money i want to get one alrdy. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. byebye.