i really need a hug right now, and someone to tell me that everything is ok.
i just want to know, is all the things that i am planning now is just some wishful thinking of mine and it will never even happen?! and all my loved ones are just making use of me and never realise i have things i wanted too?
why is this kind of things always happening? and yeah im stupid enough that i dont even know how to tackle it.
im just planning a short getaway for this holiday for Jetro's birthday so he can come and stay and i can celebrate his bday tgt with him and spend some time tgt since its so long i have ever seen him, but this plans are just what im thinking about. so naive? bcos nbdy want to make it happen for me.
initially i wanted to visit him during my holidays instead, and i have finally plucked up my courage to ask mum and she rejected me right away. yeah i know she will be very worried about me and everything, but can she feel, how my heart feels, why is the reason am i even requesting this?
its not im like blaming my mum, im just speechless for things that have become like this, to this kind of extend im going bonkers soon.
and even now, what i have planned isnt even confirm and i dont even have the courage to ask my mum. i seriously have no fucking idea why am i so afraid to speak up my mind, and then coming to regret everything.
yeah so now she is assuming that i will help her in the stall from the beginning of my holidays all the way to the day before sch reopens. fuck yeah. if no one wants to accompany, i shall make myself tired every single day, and bury myself in all the miseries and then be miserable myself.
for now im starting to suspect, am i being too naive myself, thinking that everything is so simple? and at the end, im the one at the losing end, and i believe im the one that caused all these to happen, ALWAYS.
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