im feeling totally opposite with how am i feeling in my last post.

i seemed so lost today, mood really low, and overflowing tears.

i promised not to cry, at least i did it, not infront of him. i guess this has just come to sudden for me, i need time to accept it and really cool down.

i dunoe what am i doing today, i washed the clothes wanting to hang them out, but i realised i have not collected yesterdays one. i'm seriously blur and look like a zombie to the extend that you will want to scream your ass off me, scold me and i will still continue looking blankly at you.

you never know how i feel. seriously, i guess this is just to painful for me to accept.

but kailing is gg to buck up real soon ok! friends, thanks for concerning about me so much, i will be the old me and study and work really hard, and play hard too ok! wait for me.

everything i do, everywhere i go, lingers part and parcel of you. i miss you...

teehee!! :DD

alright, im like mad happy right now, for no reasons. im also not very sure. i just feel great. mad in the ass.. hehe :)

anyway, i had my heart to heart talk with mum last wednesday. im so happy, it feels so great that she managed to understand what i want. all this bullshits are really stucked in me for more a month. crap.

im really feeling much better now. yay. oh yeah, and i took part in a claymation team. and taking part in a animation competition i guess. sounds real cool! WOOT!! :)) im gg to get really busy again!! even though im really busy, but im loving the things i do!

:) im like super happy, really very happy. i cannot wait for this long weekend to come! (Y)(Y)

my posts just lack of pictures. my life recently = no pictures taken AT ALL. damn great. pfffftt.

goodbye! im gg to finish ironing and sleep!!

nothing is awesome for me today.

initially, my mood was splendid. i got so many things i wanted to share. then i got a call from ahli. tyvm, it spoils my night instantly. but it brings me to think about some things.

i cnt deny my mood at home was very bad recently. and my attitude towards mum is rather cold. not rather, its very. all my tweets of me being in super bad mood, was just all about being at home. how nasty i was towards them.

i thought i was cool, but i ain't that cool i realised. is bringing grieve to your mum cool? is being quiet and being nasty to the whole family cool? is pouring sorrows only to your bf cool?

AHHHHHH!!!! FML seriously. why did i get things out of hand?

what's the point of crying down here and feeling regretful??!!!!!

STUPID! VERY STUPID! what is done cnt be undone.

no matter what, im going to apologise to mum tmr. i want to talk to her, i need to talk to her, i need her. excuse me, some courage please. even at the thought of how am i going to speak to her tmr, leaves me all teary eyes again.

i really want all these moments back to me please. nobody shall take them all away from me!

im really regretful now that i have treat my mum like this, i realised she don't feel good too. and i need a outsider to tell me this. what kind of daughter am i?

all i can say is that mum is really patient with me, taking extra care of me because im sick for this pass few days. but i guess hatred has overwhelmed me recently. i do feel selfish, for that 1 minute only. mum's concern is only worth my one minute everyday. i really need to punish myself, really very badly. karma, im waiting for my karma to happen on me.

i seriously don't feel good now. no school tmr, i got the whole morning to prepare myself, the courage to talk to mum when she come's back from work. i really hope, all the things will be resolved. and not hatred piling up day by day. im very sick and tired of it too.

but again, at times like this, i really need encouragement from my loved one. tonight is so not perfect. everything is just so wrong. i couldn't feel tonight. i know its my fault too, i really hope you can understand. but i shall accept it, for who knows, this might just be my karma.

i feel so much like a loser now. i can't handle my family, i can't handle my own relationship. fml................................................................................................................

妈咪，对不起。

heyyyyyyyyy!!!

im bored, i'm tired, but i can't sleep. my nose is super blocked, throat super dry :(

i have just recovered from flu not long ago, and here i got the stupid disease again.

i think i should go for vaccine again, like the one i had before i went to korea. it was really effective for 3 months, i don't feel sick, aft tt, i start to have flu alrdy. LOL. means what, my body is weak without the help of vaccine... stupid lah, im getting older i guess, tt's why. haha, PUI!

i realised my blog counters are not increasing recently.. hehehe, cos of my inconsistency of blogging, but seriously, there's nth for me to blog, school work is so busy! NO, should say im really very busy ok. i even give up my afternn nap, tt's a very big sacrifice hor. but also, no pictures, i don't feel like blogging...

and tt's my life, i feel that i just want to make myself busy so that i won't think of unhappy things. i have been thinking a lot recently. sigh... again, sigh.. :(((((

i have been thinking so much so, im beginning to hate. this is very serious. that i think back again, i feel that im being really very selfish. i have been telling what im thinking about to jetro, but shouldn't i tell my mum too?

while having dinner tgt just now, she asked whether im sick or not? i ask her why is she asking me things like that? she say, RECENTLY, YOU VERY QUIET. at least she realised. im not trying to act one pathetic or emo to not talk to them, but i just can't bring myself to communicate with them. im just like one stupid idiot that comes home with a super sulky face, on the verge of crying any time, and does the housework, have dinner, with that stupid face. no smile. but hey, don't blame me, it all just runs down to what i have been thinking about.

im like in a serious dilemma, i cnt decide on what i want, what i should do, and what i need to do. i can just iron the clothes, and tears just roll down. omg. FML seriously! i promised myself i want to have more courage. no way. it doesn't seemed to be happening to me. AT ALL.

AHHH!!!@#$%&&^%$#@!!!!!

Things i need to do:

1. wait for proposal to be accepted.

2. mail cheque for Nack's licence.

im have been really busy with school work, on top of that, there is gg to be anth portfolio i need to handle. juggling my time well. i feel like gg insane now. :(

guess this is the only pic i have, i drew this during animation class, bcos we are supposed to do a flipbook, we got super alot of post it, and i drew jetro. LOL. look alike or not? so proud of myself. hehe, but its weird, why i can't draw for drawing module??

alright, i got to hit the sheets now, before i cnt wake up for sch tmr, and be late for class again. yeah, AGAIN. :( im late for class almost everyday from sch reopen till now. haiya, seriously, roll my eyes!

night! ciao~

are you getting comfortable on your bed?
skype tonight ended earlier than 10pm, when i have not even said goodnight, it just hanged up...aren't i supposed to be asleep, to the fact that i need to wake up at 3am later for work. but no, i'm still wide awake on my bed, weeping silently.

seriously, this topic always ruin my mood, deep deep down, i wouldn't want something like this to happen to us too. i have been making the effort, trying my very best. maybe i have just not tried harder enough, only to lead you to think things that way.

im sorry but maybe i'm just another disappointment or i'm just nothing other than being a nuisance and the start of all troubles. and the stupid lousy gf that have not made more effort in the r/s.
and yeah, this is just what i am thinking about on bed now. have i been thinking too much? nah, i should think on what i need to do. ok, my mind and heart is in a whirl now. i don't even know what i want to post, although i have lots of things in my mind right now.
sometimes i wish someone was here to comfort me, but sometimes, i rather choose to alone and quiet, i don't want to tell the whole incident all over again and end up crying.
nights yo, i should really get some sleep, hopefully, if not i can foresee my selling pulling a long face at work tmr.

I REALLY MISS THOSE HAPPY TIMES WHEN WE WERE TGT, TALKING ABOUT NOTHING BUT BULLSHIT CRAPS, SIMPLE PLANS FOR WHAT AHEAD OF US, AND SOME HEART TO HEART TALK. ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT WHEN WE HAVE EACH OTHER'S COMPANY. I MISS YOU.

i really hope to be a girl with more courage, to say out the things deep down in my heart and never tear. but again, if i were to tear, all i will need is a shoulder for me to lean on, or even a hug, that's more than enough to comfort me and cheer me up. but i guess, i can never be this strong, all im capable of is bottling everything down inside me, and get upset myself the whole night and couldn't sleep well. maybe i should love myself more.
nights.

sign off,
lonely and sad much :(