initially, my mood was splendid. i got so many things i wanted to share. then i got a call from ahli. tyvm, it spoils my night instantly. but it brings me to think about some things.
i cnt deny my mood at home was very bad recently. and my attitude towards mum is rather cold. not rather, its very. all my tweets of me being in super bad mood, was just all about being at home. how nasty i was towards them.
i thought i was cool, but i ain't that cool i realised. is bringing grieve to your mum cool? is being quiet and being nasty to the whole family cool? is pouring sorrows only to your bf cool?
AHHHHHH!!!! FML seriously. why did i get things out of hand?
what's the point of crying down here and feeling regretful??!!!!!
STUPID! VERY STUPID! what is done cnt be undone.
no matter what, im going to apologise to mum tmr. i want to talk to her, i need to talk to her, i need her. excuse me, some courage please. even at the thought of how am i going to speak to her tmr, leaves me all teary eyes again.
i really want all these moments back to me please. nobody shall take them all away from me!
im really regretful now that i have treat my mum like this, i realised she don't feel good too. and i need a outsider to tell me this. what kind of daughter am i?
all i can say is that mum is really patient with me, taking extra care of me because im sick for this pass few days. but i guess hatred has overwhelmed me recently. i do feel selfish, for that 1 minute only. mum's concern is only worth my one minute everyday. i really need to punish myself, really very badly. karma, im waiting for my karma to happen on me.
i seriously don't feel good now. no school tmr, i got the whole morning to prepare myself, the courage to talk to mum when she come's back from work. i really hope, all the things will be resolved. and not hatred piling up day by day. im very sick and tired of it too.
but again, at times like this, i really need encouragement from my loved one. tonight is so not perfect. everything is just so wrong. i couldn't feel tonight. i know its my fault too, i really hope you can understand. but i shall accept it, for who knows, this might just be my karma.
i feel so much like a loser now. i can't handle my family, i can't handle my own relationship. fml................................................................................................................
妈咪，对不起。
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