Hi. wow, how many days have it been since i last updated? it was merry christmas, now it 2011 and CNY is coming. all i can say is that i have been really very busy and i have not been enjoying myself because of assignments, PD submissions, never ending issues at home and sometimes, the inevitable relationship problems.

i guess, sometimes, i have to priorities myself instead of letting myself be an option to myself. because i guess i have always been people's option. i always thought that as long as everybody is happy, i will be happy too. but i guess not, because i have been so tired making everybody happy, i neglected myself. and most ridiculously is that, when something is wrong, they blames me.

so i have decided to be really very strong. in the past few years, i have always been very emotional, and feel for everybody, spared a thought for almost everyone. now, NO. kailing is gg to love only herself more and more. and im gg to work towards my goal. im gg to complete my assignments, meet submission dates and do what i love. :)

i have been struggling to make this decision, but i guess im just still half way through. because i keep thinking of giving those that hurt me anth chance, the one last chance, and that's it.

i have also been looking for a job for my precious jetro. finally i brought up courage to called 2 today. one was nasty, one was nice, of course the nicer one requested jetro to call him tmr. i really hope everything will be smooth sailing. i really want jetro to be with me during CNY.

alright, enough of my personal thoughts. let the pictures do the talking.

2011 countdown. as usual, the DIDM cliques went out tgt. our purpose is to take pictures of the fireworks. and we met really early to go CHOP place. but it rained. damn. and only me, valerie and guowei met early. we went to have bak kut teh behind funan mall and met up with akina. we had no where to go so we went to peninsula plaza to get wired controller for our cameras. and it RAINED. damn. so we went back to funan to walk walk. and den off to suntec to meet elina.

aft tt we did a recee to find a good spot. and we walked like dogs because all the roads are blocked because of the countdown. finally we found, i dunoe where, but we were a lil too late, all the best spots were taken, no choice but to take the better spots and pan our tripods to the right.

before the night falls, we were alrdy very high. we nvr drink. i guess its bcos of the each other's accompany we had. we played and played with the light sticks. and the following pictures are from Elina and Guowei's camera, i KOP from FB. :D

i really like this two pictures i have taken with valerie, recently she has been comforting me alot,and listening to my rantings. as well as the rest in the cliques like elina and alviss. i really love them alot! and they bully me alot too. >| haha, its ok lah. LOL. i should just say, everyone in the clique bully me and erica and alot, especially valerie, guowei and alviss. my mum say its bcos im gong gong. WTH.

and we got so bored, we took out all the light sticks i brought along and connect them tgt. and start to do skipping there. seriously, very ridiculous, but we did not care anymore. many people came to look, bcos we were REALLY NOISY.

the light sticks was our only entertainment, but we really had fun. :)) i love all this people!

now look at the pictures i have taken

this is where i am standing at. tripod and camera really panned to the right. more pictures up on FB!

HOHOHO!! KaiLing wishes all the readers Merry Christmas and a happy new year! :D

it's christmas alrdy today... but i don't even feel the mood of celebrating christmas.

srsly, how do you even celebrate without your loved one with you? but i tried my best, to send my joy and blessings over to him. a parcel full of chocolates and candy cane. i was in a rush to send the parcel over, so i did not take pictures of it. i was so worried that the parcel could not reach on time for christmas... luckily, it did. parcel was received yesterday on the christmas eve morning! :)) YAY!

anyhoo, i really had a busy december. i have got no idea what i was busy with, i only know that december is my not enough rest, not enough time month. very quickly, its the 25th alrdy. this year is gg to end in just a few days!

filming for claymation has also finally ended. all i hope for is the editors can do a really good job.

and it's holidays now! wooo!! but one week have passed. this is the last day of school. i finished my animation with a red, itchy and swollen eyes. and i downloaded the driver for my webcam with the help of alviss. so i started posing. very happy, very excited. :D

and after school, Elina and I went to NEX to shop for christmas gifts. end up we bought the most things at NTUC. LOL! and we saw erica and wesley.. LOL. aunty much..

participated in the bodyshop street caroling at orchard this year. had fun, but the main purpose is to get the CE points. finally, my CE points have completed!! urgh!! i can graduate now... really ugly pictures that day, i was really sleepy. i only had 3hrs of sleep, bcos i was busy ironing until 5 that morning and meeting for claymation was 8... on the way home, i totally fell asleep on the train. its really rare to see me sleeping on public transports, unless im really tired. and recently, i just do keep on sleeping on the rides.

can you see my sticker on my shoulder? it says
-THE BODY SHOP setting the largest street caroling record!-

i still have the sticker, its on my camera pouch...

monday was the last day of filming for claymation. it ended very quickly, with few left...

and tuesday, i sneaked to JB with Elina, Valerie and Guowei. i dare not ask mum for permission, bcos very high chance she wont allow. so i bluff her. omg. u got no idea how guilty i felt. i wanted to confess as usual. but i guess not. what if she confiscates my passport? better not. lol.

this are the food we ordered and it only cost us RM81.60. divided and converted, its only SGD8++. woot. but i cnt forget the cup of milk tea. tsk. i cnt drink tea, especially milk tea, bcos i will feel giddy and headache, even stomachache, cold sweat after drinking milk tea. but i insisted to drink the same drink as them, so i ordered milk tea too. LOL. the milk tea was supposed to be cold but i hold the milk tea for too long it bcom warm, even until condensation was occurring inside the cup. LOL. bcos i cnt finish in the restaurant, i bring it out tgt and shop. but still half cup was thrown away... -.-!! damn. i should just dont insist on drinking milk tea...

and got loots from etude house, got a monkey tshirt that four of us have and a cardigen. but i wasn't feeling that great. bcos my purpose of going to JB is to get Jetro's perfume. but the shop evaporated tgt with the alcohol of the shop. i was very sad. damn.

and of course, being so busy for the past 10 weeks of school and animation, Guowei organised a chalet. although its only 2D1N, we just tired ok...

this are the tshirts we bought at JB. elina one nvr take...

pictures too lazy to upload alrdy lor, go FB see...

we BBQed, chit chatted, we to the beach to play chop chilli chop, went back shower, out to buy snacks, chit chatted and out to watch sunrise, but no sunrise. end up only jiawen made the 2nd trip, but still to no avail.

i only had one hour of sleep that day, and of course, the day before, i nvr had enough rest too, bcos i need to finish doing housework. damn tired, i came back and sleep like a pig. yesterday and today. until now, i cnt sleep. this explains why im not asleep yet.

but the most irony thing is that, bcos im so drowsy, while on preparing to go home, i accidentally picked up ZhiWei's iPhone. damn. and none of us realised. until when im at clementi, his phone rang, i tot its my hp, its not. den i was thinking is it the iTouch, but its not. den i saw his iPhone. damn.... luckily he staying at CCK only.. -.-!! made the trip to JE after i took a nap at home to pass him back the phone. i just blur and tired. LOL!

merry christmas! LOL! greetings from my bleeding toe.. HEHE! i dunoe how i cut, until bcom like that. the worst thing is, i kept knocking onto it, and it started bleeding again...

ytd, after meeting zhiwei and akina to pass back the phone, i went to popular to buy myself an organiser. i guess while being in year 3 soon, i really need an organiser to keep track of my own stuffs. good luck to myself!

the picture i owe alviss. the 10 wheels rider. irritating. he needs my bike to go down the slope. hahaha.

and booo!!! byebye! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!! :) look at the ribbon on my head. ahahaha! that moment is damn high moment.. HEHE. faci is behind.

KAILING IS OFF TO THE CHALET!! will be back tmr. hope i still got the energy to blog. BYEBYE! :D

nyerghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! bored like one mad ass. finished my work early again, and waiting for faci come back to start meeting 3. i finished my work at 12.30pm. FML. im still waiting now. >(

if only he can come back early, start M3 on time, we can go home early!!

this is what i have been messing with since morning. damn. now i feel that what i have done is wrong. ASS......... hope its not. but whatever it is, im gg to anyhow whack and sua, heck care alrdy.

this ang moh faci is damn disappointed with me. his comments for me every week is getting from bad to worst.

week 6:

Good solid work today, I can see that you are aware of the grid system and are able to use it in conjunction with other design principles that we've covered in this class. Wish you would participate more in class, and spend less time on the lappy, I think you have a lot of creative potential but aren't making the most of it...

week 7: ABSENT

week 8:

Some effort from you today but not much, I know you are more creative and in tune with design than you showed today (evidence is there in your RJ response!), and you spent lots of time on lappy and sending funny messages to friends when you could have been participating in class, very dissapointing.

SEE! that's why i don't want to partial just now when Elina, Valerie and Alviss kept asking me to. i guess they are enjoying themselves at NEX now.

i have been very slack recently. sigh.. but i guess its just the pre-holiday syndromes and tired of 8 weeks of school with no breaks at all. :(

thursday no sch, friday went to ECP to cycle. and to IKEA to buy stuffs.

much money spent! im broke, really. 1st time i feel so worried when i see my wallet so empty. :'(

its also anth reason why im not partial-ing! can see cannot buy!!!

whole day of saturday is stucked at home for claymation. this is from my phone, hence the lousy quality. this is our character's. our christmas theme. really hope to finish everything before holidays. holidays is next week! YAY-ness!!

see my beautiful bleeding hand. i know random. but then! it cause my thumb to look so ugly now. damn. cos the nail and flesh separated quite a lot. damn. i knocked on to the washing machine will taking the clothes out. THAT'S WHY I GOT THIS! :( angry. but pain. its healing very nicely now. but the dry blood is still stucked inside. i can't be bothered to remove it, because it still hurts!

*now i wish my faci don't come back so quickly. because i won't forget that he will talk all the way until 4pm sharp. we cannot by any chance leave early. not even 2 minutes. now i wish he can come back as late as he wish :) *smirks. hehe

it's my life,

its now or never

cause i aint gonna leave forever

i just wanna leave while im alive

sigh... im asking myself, am i doing something that i like at all? am i forcing myself too much? but why am i doing so? is it just to suit into the crowd?

i dunoe, since young, im always behaving like this. even if people were to laugh at me, disturb me, i dont feel angry, although sometimes i may feel hurt inside. but its still ok.

sometimes i also don't mind doing things for others. why is this so? i hope i don't do this just to fit in into my cliques. i hope im not that hard to interact with.

i have been living for 19 years 6 months and 4 days...

have i been living other people's nose? i hope not... if you even bother to ask me, i think i enjoyed my life till now. no matter how many ups and downs there are, i feel i still can manage it. im satisfied with what i have. but i hope im still a happy girl. i dont wish to be the kind that im laughing and enjoying myself on the outside, but feel totally sad in the inside. then what's the purpose of living right?

but again, i feel that sometimes i really need to show my anger, but i got no courage, and sometimes, i don't feel there's a need to do it. but i hope ppl don't take advantage of me because of this.

feeling rather down today. until i have got no mood to do any design today. 3 simple designs, really simple ones, took me more than 3 hours. i have got no idea what am i doing. i just stared and stared on the screen, nothing comes out...

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we celebrated this lucky child's birthday in sch during friday. awesome much, messy much, and noisy much. but anyway, it's nothing unusual.

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its kords girlfriend birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

i helped kords bake the cookies, anyhow come up with a recipe. luckily it works. ha! and a whole of a messed up kitchen. haiya, tt's being in the kitchen with a guy. -.-

the product. its not very appealing, but quite nice. kords is so sweet, im complaining to him, i have been his sister for the past 19 years, he nvr cooked something for me to eat before. bias. hehe...

that's my brother and i in action. who cares if its blurr. im smiling, at least my brother made me forget my worries for a moment. thanks so much.

its my evaluation later. irritating. i hate it. but whatever... get to go home early. huatts is treating me to sakae. ha! so much of brother loves today. i love you all too! :)