im totally tired and run down. because of assignments and myself.
assignments are like water flow. when u submitted one, there's anth one. woa, sian, even now its CNY, im stucked at home with assignments. unless people come to my house, i am not stepping out. :(
and i got a little confession to share, it really cast a phobia in myself, i guess in my whole entire life.
it was CNY eve and i went home ard 4plus. i went to have reunion dinner with my dad, tgt w my uncles. i had a quarrel with my mum. i was so pissed off quarreling with her, because no matter how hard i explained, she never want to listen to me, i shouted, i pushed her and i punched my brothers. this is how things have gone. and to the last resort, i ran towards the window and sat on the window ledge. i fell, luckily inside the house, i wanted to grab a chair but my brothers pulled me away. 3 man, couldn't hold me, i punched and punched them, scream and shouted. i was panting really very hard until i couldn't even speak properly.
at that very moment, my heart was dead. it couldn't feel a single thing. even the bruises that i got, i couldn't feel them at all. all i can say is that the bruises are really bad and big. i couldn't be bothered to rub them, i hope that they will stay there forever and i be reminded of this incident. so that i will never do something like that again.
i am very lucky. imagine i really dropped down. the main point is not that i will die an ugly death, but what about those that i really cared for, those that cared about me. those that encouraged me and helped me so much in this difficult times that have passed. i couldn't just leave like that. i couldn't.
this incident really make me reflect a lot. my world is a mixture people that are scheming and acting to be friendly. i used my heart to feel, and find, for those that have really cared for me and love me. really lucky to have my friends and Jetro with me. you all really mean a lot to me, really thank you for staying by me and helping me a lot. not only about encouraging me, but also helping me with the issues of the my dog. all this may be small little things, but really, it mean very much to me.
all i can say is sorry, sorry for making all of you worried. this time round, i am really determined to treasure and love myself. only by doing so, i can love the people around me.
i guess this is not only that, i want to gain trust also.
everything is like new, its a restart of my life. i want to gain trust. i want to love myself.
sign, im missing my dog really much. he was adopted by my brother's gf. but for less than one week, they couldn't keep him anymore, because he messed up their place. it was a really long story. currently he is in a dog hotel. its really the last resort.
i really pity him, i have not seen him for almost 3 weeks, i wonder how he is doing, in the cold hotel, in the small cage. i really couldn't stop but kept on crying non-stop.
and i kept dreaming about him recently, but in my dreams, no matter how i call out for him, he never answer me. i guess he knows that i don't want him anymore.. :'(
pictures will be up really soon. im so sorry, my busy and messed up life. got no time... :S
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